Growing up in Los Angeles in the 1970’s, the daughter of an unwell, single mother, life wasn’t easy. I was a shy, sensitive girl who just wanted to be “normal.”What I know now is that “normal” was my heart aching for stability.

While I knew my mom loved my brother and me, her moods were unpredictable, and we couldn’t count on her for many of our basic needs. I knew from that early age that my place in that world was to be “good” and to take care of others. I was loyal to a fault and would later learn about parentified children.

Being that my childhood dream was to have stability, I became a mother and a wife quite young. While I worked hard to accomplish this life, I also suffered the greatest loss any parent could. At 25, my first child was born very ill and died a few weeks later. This obviously would forever change me.

Looking back at this young, new mother, who within weeks is selecting a casket for her son, breaks my heart and feels as if it wasn’t me. I was so disconnected from my grief and the tragedy as I diligently worked to make things better for others. I even felt responsible for their grief as we learned that it was my genes that gave my son his illness. I had so much shame and wanted to fix it which, of course, was impossible. It’s difficult to admit that I took care of others' feelings before my own. Of course, no one expected this of me, and it would be my own journey of unraveling these early ways of being.

Today, my focus is on giving and receiving the compassion and connection I so needed as a child and a young adult. While I went on to have a beautiful family (3 adult children) and spent many years focussed on financial success through real estate investing and hotel ownership, my spirit yearned for much more. It became clear that much of the life I was living was based on others’ interests and expectations. As I began to unravel myself from others and leaned into my own essence, letting go of early beliefs and behaviors, I learned that this was quite common for those of who have experienced childhood trauma.
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Today I live a better life. As I let go of shame and beliefs that harmed me, I found compassion for myself first and then for others. I learned to feel the pain and grief of living while also basking in the joy and miracle of life. I am grateful to have the privilege of doing the work I do as I compassionately sit with individuals and groups to help them feel into their own unique nature in discovering the transformative power of compassionate connection.